aha ~ I Am An Ever Firing Furnace of Desire!

In Cancer, Freedom, Spiritual Formation by Bizgainey2 Comments

“In the torment of the insufficiency of everything attainable we eventually learn that here, in this life, all symphonies remain unfinished.”~Karl Rahner

In his wonderful book, Against An Infinite Horizon, Ron Rolheiser opens with this quote from Rahner. A failure to comprehend the truth behind this quote is to risk a life lost to reckless wandering: an unending and exhausting quest for the next person, place or possibility to satisfy the hunger in our soul. To understand this, however, is to be one who, at last, has come to realize …
Read the rest

Moment of Awakening #3, An Evening at the Grill

In Cancer, Freedom, Marriage, Spiritual Formation, Uncategorized by Bizgainey2 Comments

I recall a mild November evening in 2009 when God and I communed.  I was at the grill preparing our evening meal. God was in the sky doing his thing: painting a brilliant and multi-dimensional sunset that brought delight to my eyes.  Here, on this holy ground of nowhere,¹ I encountered a moment that would encounter all moments!

My first moment of awakening revolves around my journey out of porn addiction and can be found at the following link: http://disruptusrenovatus.wordpress.com/2014/11/04/a-grime-ridden-grace-filled-moment-a-personal-story-of-transformation/

My second moment of awakening centers on my wife’s diagnosis …
Read the rest

How Silence and Solitude Renewed My Disrupted Soul

In Uncategorized by Bizgainey8 Comments

The most meaningful moments in life have not been those which I have seized. Rather, they have been moments that have seized me.  Or, moments that have swallowed me whole.

Consider, for example, the months of October and November in 2007. Melissa’s last round of chemotherapy had come and gone.  Though I was maintaining my duties as husband, father, friend and pastor, my interior life was languishing; it had been for some time.  Ironically, Melissa’s interior life was in full bloom.  Lymphoma proved to be fertile soil in which her …
Read the rest

Moments of Awakening: Moment #2, “Melissa has Lymphoma”

In Cancer, Freedom, Marriage, Spiritual Formation by Bizgainey6 Comments

Melissa and I have never communicated this portion of our journey with anyone until now.

Even as I typed this post, tears gathered in my eyes.  Reminding me of the potency of this moment; a moment draped in meaning.

Monday, March 12th 2007, the day before my 38th birthday.

I remember this day as if it were yesterday.  I was awaiting a phone call. My whole family was awaiting a phone call.  You might suspect the call was one of birthday wishes.  Not this time.  Rather, were awaiting a …
Read the rest

Moments of Awakening: Moment #1, Grime Ridden Grace Filled

In Uncategorized by Bizgainey7 Comments

That which holds your heart holds your life.  Poets express this sentiment when they  write of love, hope and beauty.  The Outlet, from Dickinson beautifully portrays love captured longing to be captured (read here, http://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/outlet-162).

The media is captivated by this reality as well. Once Upon a Time, a television program I enjoy explores this through an evil queen. The queen takes control of others by reaching inside their chest and extracting their heart. When the queen has your heart, she has you in her control. In this case it …
Read the rest