Moment of Awakening #3, An Evening at the Grill

In Cancer, Freedom, Marriage, Spiritual Formation, Uncategorized by Bizgainey2 Comments

I recall a mild November evening in 2009 when God and I communed.  I was at the grill preparing our evening meal. God was in the sky doing his thing: painting a brilliant and multi-dimensional sunset that brought delight to my eyes.  Here, on this holy ground of nowhere,¹ I encountered a moment that would encounter all moments!

My first moment of awakening revolves around my journey out of porn addiction and can be found at the following link: http://disruptusrenovatus.wordpress.com/2014/11/04/a-grime-ridden-grace-filled-moment-a-personal-story-of-transformation/

My second moment of awakening centers on my wife’s diagnosis …
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How Silence and Solitude Renewed My Disrupted Soul

In Uncategorized by Bizgainey8 Comments

The most meaningful moments in life have not been those which I have seized. Rather, they have been moments that have seized me.  Or, moments that have swallowed me whole.

Consider, for example, the months of October and November in 2007. Melissa’s last round of chemotherapy had come and gone.  Though I was maintaining my duties as husband, father, friend and pastor, my interior life was languishing; it had been for some time.  Ironically, Melissa’s interior life was in full bloom.  Lymphoma proved to be fertile soil in which her …
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Moments of Awakening: Moment #2, “Melissa has Lymphoma”

In Cancer, Freedom, Marriage, Spiritual Formation by Bizgainey6 Comments

Melissa and I have never communicated this portion of our journey with anyone until now.

Even as I typed this post, tears gathered in my eyes.  Reminding me of the potency of this moment; a moment draped in meaning.

Monday, March 12th 2007, the day before my 38th birthday.

I remember this day as if it were yesterday.  I was awaiting a phone call. My whole family was awaiting a phone call.  You might suspect the call was one of birthday wishes.  Not this time.  Rather, were awaiting a …
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Moments of Awakening: Moment #1, Grime Ridden Grace Filled

In Uncategorized by Bizgainey7 Comments

That which holds your heart holds your life.  Poets express this sentiment when they  write of love, hope and beauty.  The Outlet, from Dickinson beautifully portrays love captured longing to be captured (read here, http://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/outlet-162).

The media is captivated by this reality as well. Once Upon a Time, a television program I enjoy explores this through an evil queen. The queen takes control of others by reaching inside their chest and extracting their heart. When the queen has your heart, she has you in her control. In this case it …
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How Do I Find Joy?

In Uncategorized by Bizgainey1 Comment

How do I find joy?

I love.

Deep joy is derived from and captivated by deep love: deep desires. Or, the aim of my desire shapes my joy. Emerson once penned, That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshipping we are becoming.

Emerson sings a tune similar to a new favorite author of mine, James K.A. Smith. Smith has observed, We love, therefore, we are.¹ If Smith is …
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I Am the Problem

In Uncategorized by Bizgainey1 Comment

In the early 1900’s, the Times Newspaper asked the following question of their readership: What’s Wrong With the World. Purportedly, G.K.Chesterton answered the question in a letter of response which simply said:

“Dear Sir,

I am.

Yours, G.K. Chesterton.”

Wonderful insight! Wonderfully Chesterton (if he didn’t say this, it is certainly something he would have said). Disruptive: counter intuitive!! Rarely, do we/I indict the ‘self’ when assessing problems. Too bad. Such lack of ‘self-awareness’ enables us to perpetuate the problems identified.

I suspect Chesterton is correct: I am the problem. …
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Welcome to Disruptus Renovatus

In Uncategorized by Bizgainey6 Comments

In his novel, The Man Who Was Thursday: A Nightmare, by G.K. Chesterton, the Professor is attempting to describe something. Or, rather, someone. It is the man named Sunday. He is more than a man; he an experience. Confused, the professor states, “I think something,” he said, “that I cannot say clearly. Or, rather, I think something that I cannot even think clearly. But it is something like this…”

The professor’s words capture my sentiments as they pertain to Spiritual Formation: I think something that I cannot even think clearly. …
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