Parental Porn Watch Protocol, Pt. 4:

In Parenting, Pornography, Uncategorized by Bizgainey4 Comments

Biz and Melissa’s Parental Porn Watch Protocol

Melissa and I have enjoyed sharing our journey as it relates to parenting – specifically parenting with a view toward guarding the treasure of our heart!  Each post has been building up to this one – the one in which we are going to share some of the protocols we have established as a family. While these remain ever changing and always challenged, they represent the core components of our PPWP and provide many moments of discussion and engagement.

You may remember the definition of the term protocol with which we began this series,

In our home protocol is an agreed-upon guideline/procedure designed to protect, create space and encourage the fullest development of the God-given treasure within our heart.  The protocol – though agreed upon – is often the result of deep reflection, impassioned dialogue and a broken heart or two.  It’s not a formula for they who desire the path of ease, but a pathway for we who desire life giving richness in the most meaningful realities of our life (http://disruptusrenovatus.com/page/3/)!

We develop our protocol from three important frames; worthy of attention:

  • Any protocol should come from a place of love and proactive desire.  Our goal is the fullest development of our children’s lives, as well as our own.
  • Any protocol should be built upon some common agreements.  Yes, you will have to draw a hard line in some cases, but we have found that our children can and do contribute to the development of our PPPW in meaningful ways.
  • Any protocol should have the capacity to guide and serve as a pathway for the entire family – not just the children.

Having established a framework, we now offer you several of components of our protocol. We are sharing only those which we find the most valuable and believe will be the most helpful.  We hope that you might be encouraged to develop your own in your the life of yourself and your family!

Futher UP Further In

Our Family Porn Watch Protocol

Mutual Commitment: We agree and will try to abide by the following protocol in our home and our life away from home.  When we do not abide by these agreements, we will honestly confess our failure and or shortcomings.  We will trust in one another’s response and reaffirm our desire to move toward wholeness as we recommit ourselves to protecting the treasure of our heart!

  1. All technology will utilize accountability, reporting or web block software.
  2. No phones, tablets or personal electronic devices of any kind are EVER allowed in the bathroom (trust us on this one).
  3. No phones, tablets or computers in bedrooms overnight.
  4. Children may, at any time, hold parents accountable to all agreed upon protocol established above – without question.
  5. Any protocol may be changed or altered if an agreement can be reached.  Remember, mom’s vote counts as 2 to our 1.

As parents of three young people now in the teen years of life, we know that any boundary or protocol can be easily overcome and bypassed. So, our number one protocol is simply this: We are committed to building bridges toward you each other.  Bridges that provide avenues where we might grow and flourish – both today and tomorrow!

Hand Placing Stone Bridge

As I noted in an earlier post, our goal is to build bridges, not erect walls. Any protocol is possible because of the bridges we have built and are committed to building. This particular protocol requires engagement with our children and provides opportunities take joy in the lives our children are living. It means that we ask questions – often too many in their minds – and we create space to sit and listen. It means we strive to react with appropriate emotional responses.

If we overreact, we shut them down.  If we under-react, we send all sorts of nonverbal messages that produce unintended and often unhealthy consequences. So, typically, we begin by exploring what we find, discover or is revealed.  This commitment to exploration is a great asset in building bridges of communication and commitment.  A commitment to exploring prevents false or partially true accusations and provides room for our children to develop healthy responses to situations that are beyond their reach, so to speak.

Yeah, we know.  It’s not rocket science.   To many it’s too little, to some, it’s too much. Your protocol will, no doubt, flesh out somewhat differently than ours. It is our hope, however, that this post will serve to encourage you along these lines. Perhaps knowing others have faced and continue to face the challenges of guiding, guarding and growing will encourage you; give you hope. Providing the confidence you need to step forward and parent your family in ways that protect and preserve the God-given treasures of their heart!

Disrupting to Renew

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Comments

  1. That is one great list. Our kids had to go in the office to get on their technology. We slacked off with the 3rd child and got her a laptop in high school. Thanks for the great ideas for our grandchildren.

    1. Author

      You are welcome! Thanks for taking time to read it. It’s an issue that, I fear, is not going away anytime soon!

  2. Another excellent blog!
    As I noted in an earlier post, our goal is to build bridges, not erect walls.

    AMEN to that! After my sister’s contemptuous divorce she moved from NJ to Vero. She had to work 2 jobs to support herself and girls as he their “so called” father didn’t bother to support the girls.

    Ken and I took full responsibility of assisting raising the girls. WE ARE well verse in how to build/not erect walls! These girls felt rejected, and their self worth were shattered! They were TOUGH times for us all.

    If we overreact, we shut them down. If we under-react, we send all sorts of nonverbal messages that produce unintended and often unhealthy consequences. AMEN!

    Praise the Lord we did not experienced the pornographic nightmare that today’s parents must be aware, and sadly, face! We were faced with a different, but not less painful myriad of issues that required professional assistance.

    Yeah, we know. It’s not rocket science. NEVER IS! However, as parents, you are guiding your 3 teens wonderfully KUDOS to you both! I pray daily your family wellness.

    My sister, Ken, and I provided our nieces (“our girls”) with guidance and openness, and do to our solid marriage instilled in them the LOVE, CONFIDENCE and the TRUST they lacked after their parents divorce. My sister never re-married nor that she had “relationships” she was sadly to scarred and scared. She was a physically abused wife of a police officer. She choose to raise her daughters alone, and today we all are reaping the JOY and PRIDE of two CONFIDENT women, and we PRAISE FATHER for his assistant during many years of trying times.

    Today, spite ups and downs in their respective relationships and due to above all, their FAITH, they are able to FORGIVE, TRUST and LOVE and that is peace of mind to my sister, Ken, and yours truly 🙂

    1. Author

      Thanks, Dee. So good to hear this portion of your journey. Your words ring true: Forgive, Trust and love!

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