Have you ever asked yourself, “What will it take to beat this addiction?” I sure did.
My wife asked it of me about a thousand times more than I asked it of myself.
Here’s the deal: If you’re asking, at least you are acknowledging that you have a problem!
Many Men Never Ask the Question: “What will it take?”
Most men – many men – never get that far.
While I can’t tell you every step you’re going to need to take, I can give you many of them.
One I’ve not discussed yet is the power of community!
I don’t know anyone who has ever beat addiction in isolation!
So, if you’re fighting alone, then you’re falling apart!
Yes, if you are going to beat your addiction to pornography, you are going to need a community of people who can be there for you in a moments notice.
You don’t just stumble or fall into a community like this.
A community like this must first be discovered and then developed over time and through the long-haul of facing your compulsion.
In this post, I am going to identify some critical distinctions of this type of community. I am doing this so you’ll be able to tell the fake from the real.
There are many fakes out there!
Not just ANY Community, but A Certain Type of Community
Many people never take this step (joining a recovery group) because of what it implies. For example, when you tell someone you’re meeting with a group of people to help you battle your sex-addiction (compulsion/problem), then you risk getting those shock and awe looks from those whom you’ve gathered around yourself.
In all honesty, this is a tough step. It’s difficult to admit that you have a problem and then acknowledge that it’s a problem you can’t fix by yourself.
Then, when you admit you have this particular problem, you are opening yourself to all kinds of suspicion and gossip.
But, if you’re more concerned with your image than you are with your well-being and health, then you’ll never be free, whole, or restored!
What’s it Going to Take to Beat this Addiction? A Certain Type of Community!
Remember, I am a practitioner, not a professional or licensed counselor. I am speaking as a survivor, a thriver, if you will! Each of these posts offers pieces of the puzzle, not the entire thing. I do have years of experience and have and continue to meet with countless numbers of men wanting the same thing you want today: freedom.
Consider my list of distinctive features you need to discover, develop, and own in a community of people who will fight this battle with you!
- A community that consistently meets. The group should meet weekly, or at the very least regularly.
- You are going to need to find people who understand and have struggled with sexual compulsion and addiction. This distinctive is VITAL. If you’re in some small group your church put together or a mixed group of life-stage folks, you will never be honest!
- You need to develop a community that also offers personal, spousal support. So often the spouse is left behind in the recovery process. Believe me; your spouse is also in recovery!
- The group gathering needs to be structured and organized. There are multiple templates for structuring a group gathering that are conducive to recovery. I’ve included one in my book, but you can probably do a simple google search and find dozens. The point is, don’t get in a group that’s dominated by superficial, meandering thoughts about what’s going on in the world of news and sports.
- The structure must frugally pursue truth and provide encouraging but unflinching accountability. If you get together and lie the whole time, then you’re wasting your time! You also need to develop the type of trust that allows you to ask hard questions about your use of time and resources.
- At least one other group member should be willing to act as a sponsor. A sponsor, stealing AA’s language, is someone you call every day and one whom you can call any moment you feel tempted. This person may well be someone who can help you confess to others (when necessary) and act as a third-party to keep you open and honest when that time comes!
- You need a group of men (same-gender groups) who love you no matter what! By that I mean, a group of guys (or gals) that can stare in the face of the worst thing you have ever done, not let you off the hook, and – at the same time – love you like never before!
Well, that’s it for now.
You can be free, and those around you can be released from the bondage you are causing! I promise. This is possible. If you follow the steps I am suggesting or the guidance I am providing, then it’s not just possible, but probable!
Disrupting to Renew!